Another year has come and gone, which means it’s time for me to reflect on it and shout-out some people I’m thankful for.
I think the world needs more stories like 1000xRESIST that are so deeply unafraid to talk about the heavy topics they want to, even if they won’t relate to every person on the planet. It said to me, “I understand. I get it. This is for you.”
Maybe the idea of playing Final Fantasy XI on a comfortable, portable device is appealing to you. Perhaps, like me, you wanted to go adventuring through Vana’diel from someplace cosy, like your bed.
If you’re familiar with me, you know that I grew up with a Mega Drive II. I have many memories of visiting a local market and going through a selection of pre-owned games. Unfortunately, RPGs never made up any part of that, so I wasn’t able to get a taste of that genre until the PlayStation arrived in my household. I remember going to a very out of the way store, alone in the middle of nowhere. It’s a dreamlike memory, now that I think about it. I recall that we grabbed a demo disc to go along with it.
Final Fantasy VII was on that demo disc. Not as a playable game, but as a trailer. I found myself watching this footage over and over. I had no idea what any of the text said, and I had no idea what was going on in it. I didn’t care; it just looked cool. I have no idea how this came to pass, but eventually, a copy of the game ended up in my house, and it went straight into my PlayStation. I was finally playing that weird game with all the cool shots in it. I saw the beginning of the intro movie, showing off what appeared to be a starry night sky. Sounds normal so far, right? But it was not meant to be. Listen to my story.
I never grew up playing Resident Evil; of the two survival horror games I actually played, one of them was a demo of Silent Hill which took place in the elementary school. My childhood experience with this small slice of gameplay has a tendency to cross my mind – specifically because it didn’t scare me. I suppose my younger self simply couldn’t register fear easily. I thought wandering around the dark shadows of the school was neat, and I liked reading the text despite having no clue what I was doing. All the creepy sounds and dangerous creatures never got to me. I didn’t find the presentation of Silent Hill so much terrifying as impressive at conveying its intended atmosphere. This exact same scenario would later apply to Dino Crisis.
I haven’t posted here in years, and I’ve deleted so much. My original plan was to discuss where I disappeared to, what I’ve been dealing with, and what I’m doing now to keep myself going. There’s a draft post tucked away in a neat little corner somewhere, and I could never quite decide whether or not to release it after spending so much time on it. It’s New Years Eve now, and my final decision is to not post it. Instead, I’ll give a very short overview of what’s been up. And then I’ll celebrate some amazing people I’ve met throughout it all. I don’t think I have to share all the details of my private struggles online — I don’t need external validation, as I know where things are at quite clearly. I would like instead to highlight something positive, give out some good vibes, and explain myself a bit, before truly heading off into 2023.
The journey has concluded. Where to from here?
A lot of dead things in this entry. Or things on their way to death.
6:18PM
I made a terrible mistake.